Since posting last we went to Manzaneta, OR for our 19 year wedding anniversary. We had a wonderful time. I love the small coastal town and ocean and beaches. However it did rain almost the whole time there. We did bring our kids along so they could also enjoy time away since Brian and I had just came back from CT and MO plus all the recent struggles in our marriage before going on the business trip. They needed a little get away. Brian did a dedication as a father and husband as seen in the movie courageous so that was wonderful.
We mainly stayed in because it was so cold, windy and rainy out but we did some walking around.
 |
| beautiful Manzaneda beach |
We have also been taking drives more like we used to. We have going to the mountains, hiking some etc.. its been so wonderful spending time with my husband who has a new release on life since truly changing his life for Christ. Though the struggle of forgiveness has been hard for me he has been faithful and understanding. He writes me love letters several times a day and our marriage has never been better. I am overwhelmed with love and God's grace by giving me back the man I fell in love with but even more powerful and rich in God's love. Amazing when Christ becomes the center of my husbands life how quickly He became the center of our marriage. I am so grateful to God for restoring what was broken in this amazing man and in turn also what was broken in our marriage. I have been also having to give up bitterness and hurt I carried because of lack of trust, no communication, bitterness on both sides and hurts. I am so grateful that before our marriage could end in adultery/betrayal God took what was happening and instead of a marriage falling apart He took my husband and shook his world and in return shook mine. To God I will always be grateful. My marriage though was suffering I never wanted to imagine life with out him in it. Brian has always been the love of my life, heart and desire. So was horrified at the thought of losing him. Though I know God would have seen me through losing my husband, I am eternally grateful God stopped actions that could/would have ended our marriage.
I do not regret how I handled this whole situation. I did learn many lessons in this struggle. I know that God will use our testimony. I was telling a Christian forum I am a member of about how much Brian reminds me of Paul in the bible. A man (Saul later named Paul) mass murdered Christians, God moved Paul when he was out on a mission to kill more Christians by blinding him and speaking to him directly. Saul was eventually named Paul and in changing his heart and walk he witnessed to man and thus many of the books you see in the new testament. Brian reminds me of him as he did not believe and at one point even said he could not wait to party in hell. I have tried (though not always doing the best at being a witness as I was young and did not always carry myself well) he was struggling with pornography and other issues. I did not approve of such behavior and so he ended up with hidden secrets which ultimately led him to another woman..though she lived to far away to actually preform the act it was a matter of time as there was plans to "meet" soon before I discovered the betrayal.. anyway there is allot in play on what happened next to bring Brian to his knees before Christ. When he did he changed his life and heart just as Paul did when God spoke to him. Literally a whole different man. I see a man who not only talks to me differently but praises God (even singing, which he does not do or has ever done in the past) he prays and worships God. Our lives are slowly changing. He said when God delivered him all the desires of pornography was gone just like that, literally gone. No desire etc.. He said it was as if God took his black heart (tar like heart) and ripped it right out. He said he believed in God a few years prior when he asked God into his life, but didn't have a heart change, and always wondered what people meant by that. He said when he thought he was gonna lose everything he fell apart and God was able to move in and now he has a personal relationship with Him and not just the typical "repeat after me salvation" Brian spends more time with the kids, work is less important and our marriage is better than it ever was before. I cannot begin to tell you just how much there has been a change in this man. Its truly like watching a miracle happen in front of me. Brian told me he had so much un-forgiveness but now has been set free.
 |
| Mount Saint Helens..taken on our business trip to Seattle, WA |
 |
| Our youngest Paul took this on one of our Hikes..(no makeup, scary stuff) |
 |
| Our oldest Justen graduated with a associates and now off to another college to earn his bachelors. We are pretty proud of him! |
Anyway,
This past Christmas my dad sent me a surprise and that was my grandfathers flag he earned when fighting in WWII. It was draped over my grandfathers casket at his funeral. My grandfather was killed by a train (while in his car) when my father was 13 I believe. I cried so hard as I was so blessed by this gift. My father did not have a father growing up most of his life, but my father was not in my life as well. So coming from a home where my father was not around led me into bitterness and more. Though I met my dad for the first time since I was like one, at the age of ll it was very hard. I only had my dad in my life for maybe 3 years all together my whole life. We luckily have written letters over the years which I cherish them, my dad and I just do not have a personal relationship far as in person. Which leads me into also into posting that I met my brother (never met him in person still however, just 1 past phone conversation and a couple letters) by finding him on facebook. I am hoping to one day meet him. Michael my brother is my fathers first child. My dad has Michael and I only.. Michael met my dad when he was a teen. Long story there..maybe another time.
Well that is about it for now....
 |
| Brian practicing taking pics on me our first snow of 2012 |
 |
| Brian |
