7 years have passed since posting last. How did time go by so fast? Let me tell you grief has consumes me at times. I have finally told my heart its okay to heal and move on, and the shock that buried me is over,the waves of grief have lessoned to little waves that have distanced where they are few and far between. But I find myself buried in the not knowing where to start, where to begin alone. There are times I feel Paralized...This song speaks where I am at, at times (many times when I am alone in my own thoughts)
I feel so alone amd scared sometimes I feel frozen. I can't explain it. I have faith in the Lord, that has never left me, I believe in Christ 100%. I still struggle. Sometimes when I lay in my bed with thoughts looking back the regrets, the memories of things said in anger or hurt, things you wish you could take back but will never have that chance, uts haunting sometimes. Forgiving myself is the hardest.Fear of being alone for the rest of my time here on earth. Feeling unworthy of a second chance at life. I am not sure how to move forward in life. I have many many many things I am grateful for, and am happy about, those are the things that get me out of bed, get me motivated.
So many good memories my kids and I have created since Brians passing, I know if he could see us now he would smile. But my heart breaks for what he is missing out on.
Such as our sons graduating highschool, football games, birth of our grandbabies (3 have been born since he passed) their marriages and our daughter getting married this coming Sat. So many things I am grateful for.
But now my babies are grown up, my job of raising them is done. This was suppose to be our time we worked so hard for. Our dreams..all gone. What do I do now??? I feel worthless. Its not that I have to have someone, its that I want someone if that makes since. Were not meant to be alone.
This post is all over the place.
I guess I am lost...
