Family, Betrayal and forgiveness.....

Family what is the meaning of family? 

My dictionary says: Family; fam-i-ly :
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not, 2. the spouse and their children of one person or one couple collectively. 3 the spouse and their children of one person. (just to name a few out of many meanings.

What the bible says about family: 

 GEN 12:3 And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse Him that curseth thee: And in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.

GEN 28: 14 And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth and thou shalt spread abroud to the west, and to the east and to the north and to the south: and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.

Leviticus 25:10: And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: It shall be a jubile unto you; And ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family.

Deuteronomy 28:19: Cursed shall thou be when thou comest in and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

There are several more verses on family. The bible also talks about a husband making his wife and his children family above his own flesh and that he should cling to his wife and basically cut the cord to his family and make them family.

Many people in my life when I first met my husband have put a judgement on me before ever getting to know who I am. I was 19 years old when they met me. I was very poor and did not come from a wealthy family far as status.  I am 38 years old now. I have grown as a woman, self educating myself, I walk the walk, talk the talk. All of us grow up and all of us have made mistakes along the way. Life brings hardships, trials and tribulations that help grow us, mold us and shape us. 

I love my husband with all of my heart, I have shared deep personal things with him as every husband and wife do or have done. If he had a career I followed, if he wanted to move I followed. I have supported him and loved him no matter what. I have forgiven him for things many marriages would break over. My love for him says to fight for him and for my family unit. 

Going through trials you are forced to either stand for what you believe in or let everything fall and I am not willing to do that. Anyone who knows me truly knows me, knows once I pick myself up out of grief or hurt knows I dig my heals in and will fight harder for what she believes in. I will sacrifice my life for what I believe in period no questions asked. 

Still after all the growth I am still judged for things of my younger years, and to be honest I am not even sure what it is I have done. I have never been given the opportunity to make it right if I did do something. Its then I realize it isn't about what I ever did, said or acted like. It was my status that wasn't perfect in their eyes, I think misconceptions they have told themselves to justify hate or judgement towards me has blinded the real truths. (And with age I realize I don't really care anymore if I am liked or not, does not matter to me anymore.) 

If I had walked in with the background of being a lawyers daughter, or such I would have been automatically accepted into the unit. Matter of fact I know I would have. 

I then realized I am rich, I am rich in my faith, in God. He created me which makes me royalty as God is the King of Kings and I am a child of God.

My husband is clinging to his wife and children and it is not until recently that He is doing this. 19 years of marriage he is doing things with out me asking or telling he is standing up and saying "my wife is important to me and I will fight for her and my children". When our unit is threatened you are threatening him as well.

I was put out there in gossip in their unit as controlling, and bossy and made him do all the things he has done, making what they call wrong choices. When the truth is, much of the judgement is not based on facts at all. It was actually the opposite. I followed him, including out of state (which now is a blessing) and I followed his job decisions. I encouraged him to move ahead, take the classes and such..but that is not seen as I am private and have never told anyone. 

I have always believed in him, and have always been proud of him no matter the status, the income etc.. 

My frustration has always been that he let people walk on him.

I find myself recently under attack. My whole family unit attacked in a deep way. God has been taking this hurt and is growing an even stronger relationship, growing a stronger man, loving, honest and caring man. Most of my marriage has been with lack of honesty and communication from his part. Hardly ever words spoken. I used to cry and beg and pray hoping one day my husband would want to talk to me, care enough about me to not lie to me. But it wasn't until recently that God broke him. He brought my husband to his knees and a man is growing out of a beast. I mean I cannot begin to explain the difference. It is very real and very moving. You can feel the Holy Spirit so powerful in him its as if his face is changing. Many years of our marriage has been hard, I prayed on my knees for him, when everything was falling apart I found myself carrying the burdens and much hurt. Many tears, many many tears. Most people around me do not know things I have faced and the struggles. I am not saying I have been the perfect wife. But I have always honored my husband.

HONOR:  Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. Also: High respect, as for worth, merit, or rank. 

(fighting for my marriage and how I feel towards the one my husband betrayed our marriage with)

One become like a grizzly when she is faced with something that hurts or threatens to destroy her family. I did not go through all the love, pain and joy of 19 years with my husband to let anyone or anything take him or hurt our unit. When one comes to enter in and do such a thing I see it as a knife to my kids throats and to our marriage, our unit. If my kids/husband get hurt I as any parent/wife that hurts their kids/husband will be hunted  down to the ends of the earth, I will then only see an eye for an eyes type vision and will do anything to protect my own. 

Marriage is important to God as family is and messing with a marriage is a woe from God himself. Marriage is a unity God created that should not be broken. 

I have forgiven my husband for many hurts I have silently carried. And it is worth it to me. We have way to much to fight for. He is worth it!

I will not be cornered I will fight like a momma bear.

My husbands father told me once. "You know its love when you cannot think about life with out them in it" and this is very true. Life with out my family simply isn't worth living.

Just talking....

A miracle....and what I have been up to lately.

My miracle for me was finding my brother after years of searching for him. I am so thankful for the internet and facebook! I looked so many times and nothing. I was so scared that something terrible happened and I would never hear from him again. What a miracle! Thank you Lord for this miracle!!


Onto other things. So we had a fantastic 4th of July. Celebrating our countries independence is always awesome!
Here are a few firework photo's I took for you!

We had a wonderful time with my mom and my sister Lori. Her and her boy friend and Lori's daughter Shania came to visit. We had a barbecue. My hubby made a brisket. It was fantastic!
We have been working around our home, my hubby created a "bird vegas" its a huge place built with logs so bird feeders can be hung on it. A place for birds to gather!

We had 10 kittens to find homes for. They all went fairly quickly! Glad they got good homes. Here is one of them snuggled in my shoe. So darned cute!

Well that is about it for now!!

Since Dec 2010 I am behind at posting!! (sorry all)

To my surprise I heard from a reader of my motorhome life blog: http://motorhomelife.blogspot.com/ I did not know people were still reading that blog. I left it going but assumed that  know one really reads it or even see's it. I am so thankful the Lord still uses that part of my journey to witness to others. The Lord has ways of truly touch lives by working through us. Not because we ourselves are anything. But God uses our hurts or sins, our pain and turns it around for His glory! I love that the Lord has grace and is so forgiving.
Being so long since I have posted there has been many things happen in my life.

3 of my kids are older since posting last My daughter Julionna is now 13 years old. My son Gabe is now 12 and my oldest Justen is 20 will be 21 in December. Justen is natural at art and in college is getting a 4.0. He did this one painting I must share with you

This painting is called 'Kristallnacht" Night of Broken Glass. Learn more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kristallnacht it is an oil painting that really moves me personally. I am a avid reader of WWII and the survivors of the Holocaust. He does have it for sale, as a mom of course I want to keep it myself I have to admit. But want him to be successful so will let him sell it :) I am pretty proud of Justen. He made it to the college deans list and was approached by beta phi (will add right one later hahaha my memory is not working today)
I have been homeschooling my youngest kids. I can tell you it is harder then I ever thought it would be. Getting your own kids to keep focus and listen is so hard. They know my weaknesses and take total advantage of it! I know its best for me to teach my kids, but I am struggling badly this year! Lord help me.

Then my photography is so slow I am not sure if I will ever have my own studio. I have been practicing on other things because I am stuck at home and never see anyone to do anything. Those ways it feels like my whole life is on hold. Has to be that others are either sacrificing raising up their kids or I am just not doing something right!  In some ways it feels like a dream that will never happen. But to share here are a few things I have taken since 2010

 

Plus I am doing Project 52 (1 photo a week for 52 weeks)

There are more I did not add I had done

Anyway that is slowly but surely going..(but have been studying and learning)

Hubby and I had a wonderful time on our 18 year anniversary in March. We visited the Oregon Coast aquarium

 Since posting last I also purchased a nicer pro camera. Will be ready when its time!

Well this Sat is my 38th birthday. Nothing planned. My my plan is to have my kids around me is all I could hope for.

I have been seeing a heart doctor however, doing stress tests and such. My heart has been feeling like it is stopping. The heart doctor says it is beating extra beats. But we are still checking it all out.
Well this is about it for now..will post more often I hope!